Lessons in Humanity
by Gigawolf1
Summary: After Hueco Mundo, five Arrancar come with Ichigo and friends to the real world hoping to betray Aizen, but something odd starts happening...
1. Coming Home

Lessons in Humanity

Chapter One: Coming Home

Below the earth, in the Urahara Shop's secret basement, Kisuke Urahara waited. Once a captain of the 12th Squad in Soul Society and the founder of the Technological Department, he spent his days of 'retirement' selling goods to Soul Reapers, also known as Shinigami and Balancers. He was well suited to the commercial industry; he knew the needs of the average Soul Reaper, could create things others could only dream of, and knew how to make a large profit off of it. Sadly, he couldn't attend to business lately, as his friend's son was due back from Hueco Mundo, home of the Hollows, Arrancar, and Sosuke Aizen. Aizen, of course, was one of the most dangerous and frightening beings in existence. His Zanpakuto's release, Kyoka Suigetsu, could hypnotize all that saw it, subverting their senses to his will. If that wasn't enough, he had learnt and mastered a large number of Soul Reaper techniques, and some thought it very possible he had at least a cursory knowledge of every known technique.

Several months ago, Aizen had put a plot into motion. Slaughtering the Chamber of 46 that commanded Soul Society, he began making moves towards capturing the Hogyoku, an invention of Urahara's making that allowed the barrier between Soul Reaper and Hollow to be crossed. Though it was hidden within the soul of Rukia Kuchiki, a young Soul Reaper (young by their standards, but truly well over 100 years old), he had managed to take it and now used it to create an army. Soul Society was busy preparing for the upcoming war, which would easily result in a slaughter.

Though only three had entered Hueco Mundo from his shop, he assumed that there would be a few others coming back as well. The three that had entered were Yasutora 'Chad' Sado, Uryu Ishida, and Ichigo Kurosaki. Chad, a large man, had a right arm that could unleash destructive force as well as resist incredible damage. Before he had left, Kisuke noted that such an ability seemed similar to the powers of a Hollow, so he was sure that Chad's power would be stronger when he returned. Uryu was one of the last Quincy, an ancient order of humans that killed Hollows using a variety of arrows. He had lost these powers during an earlier (and, he thought inwardly, oddly similar) venture into Soul Society, but had regained them via special training given by Ryuken Ishida, Uryu's father.

Ichigo Kurosaki, however, was by far Kisuke's biggest concern. Without ever having the Hogyoku used upon him, Ichigo had both the powers of a Soul Reaper and a Hollow. Of course, Kisuke himself had overseen the boy's training in the original method of... But his thoughts were broken as the gate opened by its own will. 'Someone's opening it, but who?' Though the three of them were indeed powerful, none of them knew enough of Kido, the Demon Arts, to possibly open the gate. It was then that he noticed the gate was not really opening, but rather it appeared an Arrancar was using their ability to open a hole between the worlds, known as Garganta, right on the opening. He readied the cane he always held, in what most would think a vain attempt to prepare himself. In reality, the cane was the form of his own Zanpakuto, 'Benihime' the Blood Princess. Its ability to manipulate a crimson mist, not unlike blood, allowed him a variety of techniques.

From the darkness emerged the first of those who had gone into Hueco Mundo; Orihime Inoue. The reason for the mission was to rescue her, taken for her abilities that, according to Aizen himself, reached into the realm of God. That she came back was key; even if they had survived, the damage they had done would be for naught, as Orihime could repair any sort of wound. Behind her came Ichigo, Uryu, and Chad, all smiling grimly. Next he noticed Rukia Kuchiki and Renji Abarai, another Soul Reaper. The two had gone to help Ichigo rescue Orihime, as had been expected. However, beyond the six of them was something that surprised him.

Peering out from behind Ichigo was the form of a small girl who was obviously an Arrancar. On her head were the remnants of her Hollow mask, and though her hole was obscured, he recognized the feel of an Arrancar's Spiritual Energy. It was for this reason that he drew his blade, for behind the returning champions were four very powerful Arrancar, all of which had the unmistakable feel of the Espada, the ten strongest Arrancar in all of Hueco Mundo. Though Aizen had used the Hogyoku on many Hollows, there was no mistaking the level of difference between a Numeros, a common Arrancar (as common as an Arrancar could be), and an Espada.

Looking, he recognized all four. First came one with blue hair, the remnants of his Hollow mask attatched to his cheek. The last time he had seen him, his left arm had been missing, but it had grown back, and he suspected that Orihime had been coerced into helping with that. Another with odd bumps on his head likewise had an arm removed, but this one's right arm had either been restored or re-attatched. Either way, it was back, which couldn't bode well. The third looked somewhat emo, what with the mascara, melancholic looks, and hole in his throat. However, Kisuke had seen that one move before, and knew better than to let his guard down around him.

Kisuke blinked while looking at the three Arrancar behind the Soul Reapers. Suddenly a loose wire in his brain connected, and he realized that one of the four that had been there had vanished. Turning, he found a blonde Arrancar with a small crown and a hole in his lower chest right behind him. 'Again?' he thought, before dodging. The Arrancar came at him one more time, then seemed bored and lay down as though to sleep. With that over, he turned to the other Arrancar and raised his cane, waiting for them to challenge him. However, as he looked at them, he saw their faces held something akin to shame and defeat.

"You guys... Did you win?" he asked tentatively. There was an awkward silence for but a moment.

"Hell ya!" screamed Ichigo. Kisuke was taken aback by this. "We fought about half the Espada, got Orihime back, and these four are on our side now!" As soon as he said that, the blue-haired man rushed over to him and grabbed his collar. "Your side? You stupid fucker, I'm only against Aizen, got it? I'm gonna be the one to kill him, got it Kurosaki? After him, it's that fucker Ulquiorra and then you!"

Ulquiorra sighed and sat down as the two of them began to get into it. "Yammy, if Grimmjow gets out of hand, crush his skull." Grimmjow turned his head. "Don't make me laugh. That fucking pansy's so weak, I could kill him with one arm tied behind my back even if he released!"

"What about with one arm cut off?"

"He knows what it's like to lose an arm too. Of course, he lost his right arm, so to make it really fair I'd have to take his left one real quick. Maybe halfway through killing him would be a good time?"

'No honour amongst thieves,' thought Kisuke.


	2. A New Development

Lessons in Humanity

Chapter 2: A New Development

The argument between the Espada continued until Ulquiorra stepped towards Kisuke Urahara and coughed loudly. "The reason we four Espada are here is because we have decided that we do not wish to serve Lord Aizen."

This brought everyone to a standstill. Urahara stood there with a shocked look on his face, while Grimmjow and Yammy stopped fighting, and Wonderwice stopped running around for a second before jumping after something that had caught his eye.

"What?"

"We no longer wish to serve under Lord Aizen. He is a Shinigami and we are Arrancar, complete opposites. Regardless of power, it is not in our best interest to follow one so horrible and dangerous."

"You, uh… You keep calling him 'Lord Aizen', even though you're leaving his army?" asked Urahara tentatively. He had learned over the years that, when someone wanted to join your side and they could blow up your home in one shot, you don't piss them off. Not even a little bit.

"Force of habit. I've known him as such since he started experimenting on lesser Hollows."

This barely surprised Urahara, for he knew Aizen would likely be doing something so reckless as to experiment on Hollows, but that a Vasto Lorde would view Aizen as so much stronger than himself worried him. 'Just what is Aizen really up to?'

His thoughts were broken by the untimely arrival of Tessai. He jumped down from the trapdoor and began to bow. "Master, I heard screaming down here, is everything all…" Looking up, Tessai saw not one, but five Arrancar in the secret basement. "Jinta! Ururu! Arrancar have invaded the Urahara Store Secret Basement! PREPARE FOR COMBAT!" Immediately, the two small children jumped down the hole and landed beside Tessai, Ururu with her missile launcher and Jinta with his giant baseball bat.

"Enemies detected beneath Urahara Store. Destroying now." Ururu launched a barrage at the Arrancar. The three Espada in the line of fire dodged, but Nell was not so fast. Instead, she swallowed the missiles and, after a few seconds, spit them out towards a rock formation that resembled human faces. The sight of this startled both Tessai and Jinta. Ururu, being a robot, only worried about how best to hit the three Espada who were now behind them.

Within a moment, all three of them had their swords out, only to find their blades blocked by Urahara's. Wonderwice took this precise moment to make an attempt at Urahara's hat. Unable to stop him, Kisuke Urahara had no choice but to let his hat be taken by the boy. Wonderwice held the hat in front of his face for a moment before placing it on top of his head. As he did, an odd thing happened to him. The remnants of his mask, on top of his head, cracked and broke, falling to the ground. The small hole in his body, representative of his Hollow nature, slowly filled and closed.

No one spoke for at least a minute, in shock at the sight of an Arrancar losing both Mask and Hole. Finally, the silence was broken by the master of language, Grimmjow Jeagerjaques.

"What the fuck was that?"


	3. Friendly Machinations

Lessons in Humanity

Chapter 3: Friendly Machinations

Deep underneath the Urahara Shop, within the secret basement that city officials obviously have no clue about, the ex-Shinigami Kisuke Urahara sat in a circle with Ichigo Kurosaki, Orihime Inoue, Uryu Ishida, and Chad. Rukia and Renji had long since left for the Soul Society, since they were going to get in serious shit with the crazy old guy with the shifty eyes, and figured it'd be safer if they made it look like they had just been hiding there. Tessai and Jinta, meanwhile, were trying to find Ururu's off switch; ever since the Arrancar had shown up, she had been trying to hit them and blow them up with her missile launcher.

"Mr. Urahara, what exactly happened to that little guy?" asked Ichigo. Rather than running around, Wonderwice Margera had settled down after capturing the hat of Kisuke Urahara, and both his mask and hole were gone. Seeing as both were symbolic of Arrancar, and Hollows in general, this was akin to things like E. Coli outbreaks or Diet Cola that isn't worse for you than regular Cola. The first because it's really fucking scary, and the second because it's just not possible.

Off to the side, two of the four Espada who had come through with Ichigo and friends were sitting quietly, facing one another. "That fool Grimmjow should keep that little girl busy a while longer, Yammy." Off in the distance, one could barely hear his taunts. "C'mon you little bitch, I dare you to hit me! Lessee if you can even get close! Ha, I bet even a runt like you could put up more of a fight than that fucking Ichigo!"

"Hey, Ulquiorra, what happened to Wonderwice? I mean, one moment he looks like an Arrancar, and his reiatsu is like ours, and the next it's like he's a…"

"Yes, I know. I have no idea what happened. The hat he grabbed is not special in any way, unless he can hide special reiatsu. Even so, I see no reason why he would expect Wonderwice to grab his hat and put it on, seeing as how it did nothing until it was on his head. Anyway, this is just something else to report to Lord Aizen once our mission is complete."

"Hey Ulquiorra, you really gotta stop talking about him like that. It'll ruin everything if they figure out he sent us here."

"I know, but my explanation should buy us enough time until we are to complete our mission. Lord Aizen needs us to remain inconspicuous, but I will not abandon my loyalties."

Yammy sighed. "God man, why do you have to be such a fucking robot?"

At the same time, Urahara was creating his own plan. "I'm not sure what happened with him. I don't know if you noticed, but when his mask fell off and his hole closed up, his reiatsu changed as well. More than anything, his reiatsu now feels more like that of a Shinigami than that of a Hollow. I may have created the Hogyoku, but I didn't create the Arrancar, and I'm sure I didn't learn everything about what can happen to a soul whose barriers are broken down. It could be that, given enough time, the artificial Arrancar will completely transform into Shinigami.

"In the meantime, each of you should have one of the Arrancar stay with you. That way, you can keep an eye on all of them in case they act up. I'll let you choose which one you want to watch."

"So in other words, we have to baby-sit some of the strongest other-worldly monsters in human form?" asked Uryu.

To everyone's annoyance, Urahara shouted "BINGO!" in response. Grimmjow took that moment to use Sonido to cross the length of the basement and hit him solidly on the head. "NO ONE BABYSITS ME! YOU FUCKING LUNATIC!" He would have gone on (and on), but Tessai and Jinta, shocked at his attack on Kisuke Urahara, left Ururu alone for a moment. The missiles headed towards the small gathering of human teenagers and a guy who's a hell of a lot older than he looks, and only Grimmjow was able to dodge.

As the missiles exploded, they raised a curtain of dust, as they always do. Slowly it cleared, revealing a much more serious-looking Wonderwice, still wearing the hat. He stood there, in the middle of the cloud, with his hand held out as though to stop an attacker. As ineffective as that sounds, Wonderwice made it work somehow.

"I'll look after Grimmjow. He's gonna be a handful for sure, and I'm not sure you guys can handle him." said Ichigo. "Oh, you think you can handle me Kurosaki? Fucking pussies, try saying some of this shit to my face!" Once more Ururu fired a number of missiles at Grimmjow.

Orihime spoke up for the first time in a while. "Um, Mr. Urahara, is it okay if I take care of Ulquiorra? I'd really feel more comfortable if he was the one I was watching." This idea, of course, hit an immediate and sudden wall.

"Are you crazy? What if he kidnaps you again?"

"Orihime, there's no way you'd be safe with him!"

"Are you alright Orihime?"

"Crazy-ass bitch, you are fucking insane!" This dialogue was cut off by more explosions. "Ah come on you crazy bitch, either hit me or stop shooting! I can barely get a fucking word in edgewise!" In response, Ururu corrected her aim and Grimmjow got thrown into a rock formation.

Orihime responded with some of the best logic in the universe: crazy girl logic. "It's alright, really guys! I mean, if he's there, I know he's not going to be able to kidnap me, because last time he kidnapped me while I was heading home from the Soul Society, and if he's with me I know he's not going to hurt anyone else!" She then smiled, completely oblivious to how far away from the point she was.

If the boys hadn't just gotten back from inter-dimensional war, they may have argued more, but even their insane stamina was running low. After fighting Nnoitra, Ichigo hadn't dared sleep at all while in Hueco Mundo. The horrible fate of the Fifth Espada gave him nightmares. He briefly thought back to the end of the battle and shuddered. The other two hadn't had any chance to heal between the time they all split up and the time they left, so they were still very weak. So, in a horrible lapse of judgment, they decided to let Orihime keep the freaky kidnapping robot in her house.

"How about you Chad? Which one will you pick?" asked Orihime, treating the Arrancar like a little kid would treat a pet in a pet store, instead of as semi-human monsters bent on world conquest. "I'll take the big one." said Chad.

"Well then I guess that leaves Uryu with Nell. Alright then, I'm gonna head home now. C'mon Grimmjow, I'll show you where my house is."

"Would you like a Gigai for your Arrancar?" asked Urahara jokingly.

"No thanks, I just wanna get some sleep."

"I live alone, no one will mind!"

"He'd only need one if he went to school."

"Wouldn't their masks and holes show up on a Gigai?"

"WE ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING PETS!"

So, one by one, the teenage heroes of Karakura Town left the shop and headed to their respective homes. Finally, only Uryu and Nell were left. The reason Uryu stayed behind was to ask Urahara some questions.

"Mr. Urahara, I assume you're going to take care of the other one?"

"Yep, I'll look after him until I can figure out what happened."

"I'm pretty sure you're not telling us everything."

"Well, how could I tell you what I don't know?"

"Well, if you find something out, tell us as soon as possible. Also, if you could, try to make a special Gigai to hide their Arrancar traits, alright?"

"Will do! Have a good evening Uryu!"

Uryu and Nell climbed up the ladder and began to leave the shop when Uryu thought of something he hadn't before. "Nell, where's your hole?"

"Oh, you mean I never thowed you guyth? Ith down here!" Before Uryu could object or even figure out what she was doing, Nell showed him an area that would likely up this story's rating.

"ARGH! I'M BLIND!"


	4. Familiarization

Lessons in Humanity

Chapter 4: Familiarization

**Orihime and Ulquiorra**

"So, tell me about the Espada."

"Why would you want to know about us?"

"I'm curious."

"All right, what do you want to know?"

Orihime thought for a moment, and then asked Ulquiorra her first question. "How many Espada are there?"

"Ten. Espada means Ten Swords. I'd think it would be quite obvious."

"Ya, but now four of you have left, so then there'd only be six right?"

"Not really. The Novena, Octava, Séptimo, and Quinto Espada died before we left, and only the Novena spot was filled. So overall only the top three Espada remain."

"Oh. So, who took the Nova thingy spot?"

"Wonderwice, the small one that came with us. He was in line to become an Espada, and became one when Aaroniero Arleri died. Of course, the seven empty spots will be quickly filled by any Vasto Lorde that comes to Lord Aizen."

"Interesting." 'This is working out better than I expected! All right Orihime, just keep him talking and I'll find out everything about the Espada, and then we can beat them when they come to attack! At last, I'm able to help Ichigo beat Aizen!'

**Chad and Yammy**

"So what's your rank?"

"Décimo. Why?"

"Just wondering. My house is just a little further."

"Humans have such confusing customs. Why do you all have separate buildings?"

"People like privacy."

"Humans are weak."

"Some are."

"All are."

"Are all Hollows strong?"

"No."

"And not all people are weak."

"Still weaker than Hollows."

"Maybe you're right."

**Uryu and Nell**

"You freaked me out back there!"

"Tho?"

"Why exactly is your Hole on your leg?"

"Who knowth?"

"So, is it true what Ichigo and Orihime told me? About you being an Espada?"

Nell sighed. "Ya, I wath. I'm a lot thtronger than I look."

"And… What you did to that Fifth Espada… Was that true as well..?"

Nell grinned wickedly. "Maybe it ith" she said teasingly. Uryu fought back the urge to vomit.

**Ichigo and Grimmjow**

Slowly Ichigo entered his house, trying not to disturb his family. He had been gone quite some time, and when he returned it was the middle of the night. Grimmjow, being effectively invisible, was waiting outside for Ichigo to open his window and let him in. This plan was nearly foolproof, and neither could see a flaw in the logic, until Isshin Kurosaki burst out of the darkness, sending his son flying.

"Welcome home ICHIGO! Now, go upstairs and apologize to Yuzu! She's been very concerned for you Ichigo! And even Karin's been worried! How dare you worry my poor little girls? You'll pay for your cruelty ICHI…" His loud, annoying rant was ended by a single kick to the face, not from Ichigo but from a half-awake Karin. "Shut up Dad! You're waking everyone up!"

Ichigo just stood there as his little sister beat up his father. Then, he remembered that his other sister was still sleeping. Quietly, he made his way to her room to check on her. Inside, he found Yuzu sleeping despite the racket downstairs. Seeing her sleeping, she looked very peaceful, and Ichigo couldn't help but smile a little. This touching moment was interrupted by the expert of timing, Grimmjow Jeagerjaques.

"Ichigo you fucking bastard! Open the fucking window so I can get in! I'll give you six fucking seconds to open the fucking window or I'm blowing up your fucking house!"

Downstairs, Karin and Isshin stopped fighting. Karin's face contorted with fear; she had just heard Grimmjow, and had also finally noticed his reiatsu. Isshin, meanwhile, thought he had heard a small cat purring outside.

Ichigo rushed to his room and opened the window, not to satisfy the pissed Espada but to yell back at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You're going to wake everyone up if you keep yelling like that? What the hell is so urgent that it can't wait six seconds?"

Grimmjow leapt up from the ground, a small kitten holding onto his leg. "This thing won't get off my fucking leg!"

**Kisuke and Wonderwice**

"Kid, here's some advice. If a girl wants to let you touch her in her private places, don't think twice. She may never let you get that far again."

"?"

"Also, if she does it for your birthday, try to make her think every day should be your birthday."

"!"

"It's solid advice, I mean it kid. You'll never get anywhere without any initiative and creativity."

""

"You know, you kinda remind me of someone really smart and well-liked… Oh ya, you're just like me!"

""

"Except for the talking thing…"


	5. Breaking Point

Lessons in Humanity

Lessons in Humanity

Chapter 5: Breaking Point

Orihime looked away from the boiling pot as the doorbell rang. "Coming!" she cried cheerfully, her large breasts jiggling as she walked. On the other side of the door she found Tatsuki. "Hey Tatsuki!" she said before her best friend suddenly hugged her. One block away, Chizuru muttered the word "lucky" under her breath before returning to her spy binoculars.

Orihime was surprised to see that her friend, renowned for her tough, unwavering personality, was crying. "You're back Orihime" she said between sobs. "Never go away like that again!" Taken aback by the present events, Orihime desperately grasped for words. "Um… Would you like to come in for dinner then Tatsuki?"

Sniffling a bit, she nodded and headed inside, knowing full well that the food would be horrid beyond imagining, but willing to take that risk. After all, the girl she had sworn to protect had vanished from the face of the earth for entirely too long, and that was more frightening to her than anything else. Well, aside from the fact that her one-time assailant and kidnapper was sitting calmly at the dinner table.

Her tears stopped instantly as her instincts took over. Immediately she pulled Orihime to the side and whispered "What is he doing here?"

"Who are you talking about, Tatsuki?"

"HIM! Sitting at the table! Don't try to fool me, I know all about you and Ichigo, fighting Hollows and Arrancar! I can see him just as clearly as you can!"

"Oh, you meant Ulquiorra? He's my prisoner" she said with good cheer. With that, she went back into the kitchen to summon the ultimate evil. Defeated but cautious, Tatsuki took a seat beside the former Number 4. As she sat, she thought about how Orihime must have gotten the table recently, likely for the greater company she would have now that she had grown so much closer to Ichigo, Uryu, and Chad.

"She has become quite a bit more social recently. She may not need you much longer" said the eerily dark being sitting in an eerily dark chair in an eerily dark corner of an eerily dark corner of the house on an eerily dark block.

"It's not about need; we're friends" she retorted; only barely registering that she was talking to a threat to her life almost as she would a friend.

"Perhaps. But of course, you feel that you need her. Any time it seems like she may be gone from you forever, you lose your strength. Is that really friendship?" he asked, 'as though he knows everything about me' she thought. "Maybe I know you better than you think I do, despite our limited interaction." This made her suspicious.

Curious, Tatsuki decided to test a hunch. 'You're reading my mind?'

"Not at all."

"I didn't say anything! You WERE reading my mind!"

"Your thoughts were plain on your face."

"That's a dirty lie!"

"I only tell the truth. Figuring out emotions from facial features has the same effect as reading a person's mind."

"BULLSHIT!"

"Food's ready!"

Oblivious to the prior argument, Orihime brought out a disgusting pile that somewhat resembled Aaroniero's Glotoneria Form, including the colour.

"What is this?"

"FOOD, JUST EAT IT!"

"Don't be so rude! It's raw fish on ramen and rice with bean paste and soy sauce. Enjoy!"

Ulquiorra tentatively took a bite as Tatsuki gulped some of it down and resisted the urge to vomit onto the table. As she held her food back, she heard a sound akin to a nuclear explosion, in rarity if not in magnitude.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!? THIS IS DISGUSTING AS HELL YOU STUPID BITCH! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME OR SOMETHING? THIS IS THE MOST HORRIBLE THING I HAVE EVER EATEN AND I USED TO EAT FUCKING HOLLOWS! DO YOU KNOW HOW NASTY SOME OF THEM ARE?" As Ulquiorra showed emotion, the whole house shook violently. Some distance away, Chizuru edged her way over to a corner and pressed up against it.

The vibrations were incredibly powerful, as both girls saw. Before their eyes, the force crushed everything solid made of spirit energy; in this case, the only example was the remnants of Ulquiorra's mask. As it fell apart, his throat slowly filled in, and the odd tear markings on his face withdrew into his eyes.

The cataclysmic event stopped almost as suddenly as it had begun. Silence filled the room for a good minute before the door slammed open and a red-headed lesbian screamed "Tatsuki's one thing but now there's a guy in your house too? LET ME HAVE SOME FUN TOO, ORIHIME!" This was met by the customary kick to the face, while Ulquiorra looked at the girl and said "What's her problem?"


End file.
